dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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