Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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