Your dad touched me again.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
