How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
