happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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