I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
