Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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