Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
