I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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