just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
