Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
