nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
