ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
