Im at strip club and am horny
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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