She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
