I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
