He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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