i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
