Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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