Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
