i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
