yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
