I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
