Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
