Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
