New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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