OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
