when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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