I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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