It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
