i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
