covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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