some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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