I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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