he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
