I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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