Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
