i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
