so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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