I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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