my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
