I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
