How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
