my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
