And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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