like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
