did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
