Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am available for nakedness
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
