its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
