I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
