please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need a burrito and a hug.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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