You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
