Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
